UE Detour!!

Thanks to my blog on Urban Exploration I've gotten a lot of email regarding my reference to Witley Park. So this week I'm going to take a little detour from writing to let you all in on one of Great Britain's best kept secrets.  Look closely at this picture:

 

What do you see there? Looks like a lake with a statue doesn't it? Believe it or not, you're looking at a ballroom - the statue sits dead center of the domed window ceiling that lets light in through the water above.

The ballroom lit up at night.
(c)2006 Cybergibbons

 

Witley Park is considered a vulgar piece of British history.  It's one of those "hush-hush" things that lends itself to gossip but is met with a blank stare when queried about.  To quote British journalist Harry Blount, “The tale behind it involves not just a staggeringly ambitious, wildly over-the-top folly, but also a tragic Victorian morality story of speculation, corruption, disgrace and suicide.” 

The infamous F. Whitaker Wright.

British born Francis Whitaker Wright came to America in 1867 and built not one but several fortunes while investing in silver mines.  As fast as he made the cash though, he lost it and when he did have money his investors rarely, if ever, made a penny. 

Tunnel to the ballroom.
(c) 2006 Cybergibbons

Realizing that the great American west held limited prospects to continue to swindle, Mr. Wright headed back east where he became the chairman of the Philadelphia Mining Exchange and a member of the New York Stock Exchange. This allowed him more opportunities to defraud countless people.

The pump house that feeds the lake.
(c) 2006 Cybergibbons

To make a long story short, sooner or later he did manage to outstay his welcome in America and returned to England.  By 1896 Wright had swindled literally millions of pounds from his investors by promoting himself as an expert regarding mining.  That money was funneled into Witley Park which Wright purchased from the Earl of Derby. 

Witley Park Manor in all its glory.

While there were yachts and fancy townhomes, as well as expensive jewelry and clothing for not only his wife but Wright himself, Wright’s crown jewel was the mammoth estate - which he gutted and proceeded to completely overhaul.

One of the three entrances to the tunnels.
(c) 2006 Cybergibbons

In the end the manor would sport sixteen bedrooms, twelve water-closets, three kitchens, three libraries, several profesisonal parlors, a velodrome (an arena with a banked track for cycle racing), a theatre and observatory, a private hospital, a fifty horse stable and an underwater ballroom complex complete with a billiards room, a party room and a swimming pool that may or may not have included a fountain.

Looking down on the swimming pool.
(c)2006 Cybergibbons



Publicly referred to as “gorgeous vulgarity” and a “magnificent burlesque of business” the estate brought in the crème de le crème of British society – including members of Queen Victoria’s court. 

The "party room". This area sits out in the middle of the lake.
(c)2006 Cybergibbons

Another view of the "party room".
(c) 2006 Cybergibbons

The underwater ballroom hosted many parties and its adjoining billiard room was frequented even more often as Wright loved to play in the ambient light the skylights offered.

The Billiard Room (c) 2006 Cybergibbons

By 1900 Wright had pulled one too many cons.  As with most Ponzi schemes, his frauds began to come to light.  In 1903 Wright fled the country, leaving his estate to sit as he was pursued, extradited and forced to face trial.  Upon being found guilty, Wright promptly smoked a cigar and went to the loo where he took cyanide and died sitting on, of all places, the toilet. 

One entrance down into the ballroom.
The Brits call this a "pontoon" house.
(c)2006 Cybergibbons

The door to the "pontoon" house.
(c) 2006 Cybergibbons
 

Today Witley Park has been split and divided numerous times.  The main house was destroyed in a fire while its remaining buildings were turned into a conference center. 

The Witley Park property today.

Looking up at the ballroom ceiling.
(c) 2006 Cybergibbons

The lake and its ballroom are privately owned by an entrepreneur who, every so often, will allow an explorer down below the depths to investigate what was once a grand and regal monument to the gilded age. 

The Witley Park Ballroom
(c) 2011 James Brown

Wright’s Folly, as Witley Park is known amidst the locals, is a piece of British history that is not well known but is truly fascinating and thought provoking nonetheless.

Tunnel into the billiard room.
(c)2006 Cybergibbons

Ever since I found out about it I have  loved the Witley Park ballroom. I think the concept is fascinating and would love to use it in a book. I just haven’t come up with the right story yet. If I don’t, I hope somebody else does.  The ballroom is a testament to ingenuity if nothing else.

Another shot of the ballroom at dusk.
(c)2006 Cybergibbons

 

Well over 100 years old at this point, the expanse of tunnels and rooms remains almost completely dry. There has only been one recorded flooding of the complex and that was in 2011 due to extended rainstorms. The drainage system installed within the complex's walls and floors had the entire underground area dried out within two weeks.

The drain in the billiard room.
(c)2006 Cybergibbons

Also the use of skylights to light the entire complex, along with the tunnels to and from each room, are amazing examples of architecture.

One of the various skylights used to light the tunnels.
(c) 2006 Cybergibbons

Skylight
(c)2006 Cybergibbons

The expertise with which the entire complex was built tells us that Wright hired the best to do the work. I have a feeling that if it had been Wright himself who had actually built any of this it would have collapsed long ago.  

The ballroom when it did flood in 2011.
(c)2011 James Brown

So there you have it - Witley Park.  If I ever make it to England? This is on my list of must see locations! 

 

 

Kewl, I Gots An Award!!!

Soooo, I was esteemed and honored to be given the Illustrious Booker Award by the lovely Samantha MacDouglas! (It's just for fun but it's still an award, kinda...lol)

A requirement of this award is to share our 5 favorite books of all time.  Believe it or not, this was soooooo hard for me.  I have a TON of books that I LOVE.  It was really hard to pare them down to just five! My entire office is is full of books – on the walls, on the desk, under the desk, in the closet, well, you get the picture. It doesn’t stop there, though, my living room and bedroom are just as full to overflowing with books. 

I have always loved reading and I’ve spent a good part of my life with my nose stuck in a book.  With reading you are whisked away and taken to other places, other worlds, other dimensions. There is so  much you can see, feel and learn when you read a book. 

It took me a while to narrow the list down but after much thought, I was able to come up with five books that I cannot live without! Here’s my five fave books of all time:

Great Expectations, Charles Dickens:   Dickens was far more warped than the literary world has given him credit for.  Just think about it – Miss Havisham wandering around in a wedding dress for decades? Saving the cake? Training her adopted child to use and abuse men as revenge for the guy who jilted her?  Woman has stalker and/or sociopath written all over her!! I love this book for the defining of her character without her even being the main character.  Pip and that nasty little wench Estella are okay in their place, but Miss Havisham ties it all together without actually being all that important to the storyline itself.  The book is about Pip, not Miss H, but for me? Miss H is what makes the book.

The Stand, Stephen King: I first read this book back in high school (billions and billions of years ago according to my children!) and I was taken with the artistry of its narrative.  Horror books are never all that thought provoking, in my opinion, and The Stand stood apart from the norm.  Wretched miniseries aside, the descriptive canvas of the end of the world as we know it from man-made disease is not that far fetched, nor is it totally impossible.  In spite of the paranormal avenues of the book itself the reader is still left with the lingering question of what if somebody actually dropped a petri-dish? What if half the world’s population was wiped out? What if? What would we do? (Says the girl who still doesn’t have flashlights or batteries and there’s a possible hurricane on the way…)

This Time Forever, Kathleen Eagle:  A cowboy wrongly convicted of a crime he didn’t commit, a nurse who is also one of the jurors who sent him to jail and who, in turn, aids in getting him released and a premature baby born from a one-night stand and a brutal accident.  Those three elements bring together a beautiful story that makes me cry every time I read it!  Mrs. Eagle creates extremely vivid and thought-provoking scenes that are at once both touching and heart-wrenching.  I've read this book so much that it is now literally without covers.  

 

Desire Untamed, Pamela Palmer: While I looovveeee ALL of Pamela’s Feral Warriors series, I love this one the best. It’s the first time I’d ever seen my first name (or part of it actually) as a heroine’s name.  When I was growing up it was the one name that was never anywhere so it was awesome to see if finally hitting a book (it hit television in 1985, on The Cosby Show, lol) That fact aside, Pamela creates a fascinating storyline that holds the reader and drags them deeper and deeper at a breakneck pace so there’s no turning back.  The extremely interesting thing about this series is that Ms. Palmer created the entire thing from nothing. She did no research at all – I know this because I asked her. LOL To know that a writer can create an entire civilization and races of paranormal beings with no assistance at all makes the book even more engrossing, jmo.  (Me? I’d have to do research, I know nothing at all about fairies and elementals and six foot eight inch tall barrel-chested shape-shifters!!)

And last, but not least, we have a rather unusual book…I’ve checked out other winners of this award and, for the most part, they’ve listed classics, romance novels and kids’ books. This is the first of its type I’ve seen but that’s okay, there are other mystery/suspense writers out there who can definitely benefit from Katherine Ramsland’s The Human Predator.  Dr. Ramsland presents us with a vivid and fascinating history of serial crime and the development of forensic capabilities over the same span of time.  It’s the definite go-to book for anyone wanting to present appropriate crime history in their books. Bear in mind it’s not exactly bedtime reading but it’s captivating and thought-provoking nonetheless.

In conclusion, for this blog I had to limit myself to five. Personally? And I suggest this for everybody – have a favorite book in every genre there is!! Heck, have more than one! Have two or three!! You’ll be well read, well rounded and well educated, all the way around!!

 

 

Thanks for checking out my favorite books! I've passed the Booker Award on to the Lovely Larissa Reinhart, the Awesome Avery Flynn and the Spectacular Shannon Grey! What are some of your favorite books? 

 

Friends In Empty Places...

              After taking a week off to guest blog over on the lovely Cindy Carroll's blog I have returned to fill your head with useless yet somewhat interesting knowledge that may or may not come in handy sooner or later! Last night I got into a discussion with a friend regarding my other passion in life aside from writing – Urban Exploration.  If I were twenty years younger and a lot lighter? There might be no Mia Fisher books on the market at all!  (*gasp*)

               For those who don’t know, Urban Exploration is the fascinating art of exploring and photographing abandoned buildings, usually hospitals but over the past decade it’s advanced to factories, mills, churches, even houses, hotels and apartment buildings.  Bear in mind that most of the time this is, most definitely, illegal. 

            The Pines Hotel, (c) 2003, Tom Kirsch

              It’s rare that UE people go asking for permission – basically because sometimes it’s too hard or time consuming to track the owners down, sometimes it’s because they already know the answer would be no due to insurance liability or just plain old crabbiness of the owner. But, sometimes, someone such as Jeremy Barnard (www.jeremybarnard.com) or Tom Kirsch (www.opacity.us), both exceptional photographers, will get permission to take pictures in order to produce a series or to document the building’s history. 

                                     

                            Danvers State Hospital  (C) 2005, Tom Kirsch

               It is also important to keep in mind that the purpose of a true UE person is not to deface the property or take from it in anyway.  Their motto is to take nothing, leave nothing behind.  In other words, don't make a mess, don't leave a mess, walk in, take pictures, and then leave.  Their purpose is to document the location, to appreciate the beauty of its architecture and to mull its past.  This is especially true with mental hospitals, especially Kirkbrides.  Kirkbrides are what got me interested in UE in the first place. 

                         Danvers State Hospital - Kirkbride Layout 

               Thomas Kirkbride was a founding member of the Association of Medical Superintendents of American Institutions for the Insane (AMSAII) —the forerunner of the American Psychiatric Association.  He sought to bring the mentally ill into a calmer and more natural setting than the squalid warehouses the cities of the 19th Century offered.  His building plans were based on the precepts of Moral Treatment, promoting more open floor plans and access to the outside under supervision.  

               York Hall, Kings Park Psychiatric (c) 2004 Tom Kirsch

               When first constructed these buildings were state of the art and breathtaking in their complex simplicity. But, over time, they pretty much became the places they were built to replace – warehouses for humans that society didn’t want to have to deal with.  The political debauchery of health departments aside, in the end these buildings were closed out due to former President Ronald Reagan’s mental health initiatives leaving most of these monoliths to sit in silence and rot beneath the sun.   

                           Foxboro State Hospital (c) 2005 Tom Kirsch

               That said, my love of Kirkbrides started at a young age – I had a relative that worked in one of those buildings.  When we’d go to visit we’d go to pick her up after work. I can remember seeing that huge gothic  building – which to a six or seven year old was absolutely ginormous (to quote a kid).  It wasn’t until I was much older that I realized just how truly gigantic the building really was.  One time security let us in to wait, it was the administration building, far removed from patients, and it being after hours, it was deathly quiet. I can remember how it looked – I can also remember being scared to death of the staircase that led up to the second level.  I had no clue what the building was or what went on there at that age but I knew something bad was up those stairs, even with all the lights on I had the creeps.

                  Danvers Administration Stairs, (c) 2005, Tom Kirsch

               Years later I learned that I wasn’t the only one to have a weird experience at that hospital – or any other monolithic Kirkbride for that matter.  In my opinion most hospitals of any sort are haunted (as are nursing homes).  But, yet, my curiosity of the paranormal didn’t determine my love of UE either – it was the history.  If only the walls could talk… Lives lived and lost, entire sets of people abandoned and left to die, people abused in the name of medicine, children prisoners in their own bodies left in the care of strangers, some cruel, some kind.  Many of these buildings were left as is for the vandals – over the years kids, drunks, druggies and professional taggers infiltrated these living pieces of history to steal and destroy.  This is where the brave UE people come in – they dare to break the law in order to see that these pieces of history are documented before they are gone. 

                       Green Hill State Hospital, (c) 2005 Tom Kirsch

               The building where my relative had her office is now gone, it was demolished to make way for condos that, in my opinion, are probably extremely haunted.  Preservation groups attempted to save that particular building but ultimately lost in the end.  Even as we speak, Kings Park Psychiatric on Long Island, which, while not a Kirkbride, was one of the largest mental health complexes in this country, is being dismantled piece by piece to make way for more development.  Thankfully a group of UE photographers made sure to document every area they could get into before the end. 

                           Kings Park Psychiatric, (c) 2005, Tom Kirsch

               Somebody once asked me, so what the heck do we the public get from a bunch of pics taken by a bunch of trespassers?  It was a simple answer:  you get history. You get a picture of how these places operated, how their patients lived, how they attempted to function day after day.  And those are just the hospitals…someday I’ll tell ya’ll about Whitely Park, that’s a UE story that’s totally cool, yet totally weird…

       Metropolitan State Hospital, (c) 2005, Tom Kirsch

               Anyway, Urban Exploration is about documenting history in the present. It’s about saving what we can to show people how things were in order to pave the way for how it should be if we ever have to go this route again.  Man is destined to make the same mistakes again and again if he doesn’t learn from those mistakes.  UE in abandoned mental hospitals allow for those mistakes to be seen and understood.

              Margate State School, (c) Tom Kirsch

               My book, Ethereal Ecstasy, which was recently contracted by Black Velvet Seductions, is set in an abandoned mental hospital.  The book itself isn’t about UE, but it uses the fictional Barrister Hills Hospital as a serial killer’s dumping ground which, when you think about it, miles of empty building?  Piles of rusted bed frames and rotted mattresses? Steam tunnels often times filled with stagnant water and/or toxic run off? Padded solitary rooms where, perhaps, somebody forgot to remove the lock?  You have the perfect location where nobody can hear you scream…

                The Ladd School, (c) 2005 Tom Kirsch

               I took what I knew regarding abandoned mental hospitals to create Barrister Hills.  There’s just something thought provoking and intriguing about those large hallways lined with wheelchairs and broken toys, rotten curtains hanging in barred windows where the glass was long ago shattered…a clock hanging by one thin wire that stopped at 3:15 who knows how long ago?  What have those walls seen? What did they hear? Is all this stuff that was left behind truly alone? Literally hundreds of people died within the walls of any given mental institution in this country – who is to say some of them aren’t trapped there locked within the walls in death as they were in life? 

         Kings Park Psychiatric, (c) 2005 Tom Kirsch

               I know that Urban Exploration is not everybody’s thing, but for me it lends itself naturally to writing – these locations can be structural time capsules where virtually any scenario could be set up.  They can also be re-created as anything a writer wants them to be – a gothic or regency castle, a mad scientist’s abode, a super villain’s hideout.  Abandoned buildings offer writers an already designed landscape with which to work while they provide non-writers with living pieces of history - history that is slowly being demolished even as I type.  It is to society’s benefit that UE enthusiasts do what they do and it remains in society’s best interest to learn about these locations, to see what was there, to understand the history behind them and how they came to be in the state they’re in now. 

              Eden Park Chapel, (c) 2005 Tom Kirsch

               Now, I’m not telling everybody to run right out and break and enter, not in the least. What I am saying, though, is to consider an abandoned building the next time you see one.  Take in its architecture, its design, maybe you’ll find something there that could interest you enough to research its history a little – if not, move on but don’t forget to try it again next time.  Sometimes the small and fascinating things in life are to be found in very large and empty places.

  Pennhurst State School, (c) 2005, Tom Kirsch

ARGH!!!!

SO, let’s talk about non-writers, shall we?  Every writer knows exactly what I’m talking about. Those people in your life who have no clue what you do but they’re pretty sure they know what you do and feel the need to make comments or ask totally ridiculous questions?   A fellow author, the lovely and talented Jean Joachim, posted a youtube video about stupid things non-writers say. Take a look:

Sadly, this video is way too real.  I can’t count the times I’ve heard every single one of those comments and usually family members are the worst offenders.  In a way, that's almost funny.  I have relatives that have yet to buy one of my books.  After years on the shelf under four different names and they still haven’t bought a lousy book?  Yet when I see certain offenders who shall remain nameless the first words out of their mouth are “where can I find your books?”.   Ah, let me see…Amazon? Barnes & Noble? Most book stores and if they don’t have one just give them the ISBN number and they’ll order it! Here, let me get you the ISBN number!  How hard is that? If they really don’t want to spend the money I know for a fact that their library has numerous copies.  The reality is they just don’t want to read it for whatever reason. 

So, what is it about family and friends that can’t seem to fathom what we, as writers, do for a living? In all honesty, it drives me nuts and I have given up even trying to figure it out.  I enjoy writing, is that so hard to understand? I know hundreds of other people, male and female, just like me. So, instead of trying to delve into the mind of non-writers, I think we should, once and for all, just answer their questions and comments open and honestly.

“You write Young Adult books? Isn’t that like porn for teenagers?” Ah, no, it’s not.  Young Adult books are written using as very different technicque as opposed to Romantic Suspense or Mystery/Thriller or Historical Fiction or Romance. There are literally hundreds of genres and every single one of them has its own unique development.

“Do you know JK Rowling?”  No, the majority of us don’t know her, at least not to my knowledge!! Nor do we make her paycheck and probably we never will, but we’re happy with what we do make because it means that our stories are getting out there. 

“You know what you should really do? Make a movie out of your book.”  Sure, give me five million for a minimal decent docudrama project and that might happen…maybe. People need to understand that books being made into movies are actually pretty rare events.  Studios aren’t willing to option if they haven’t seen a mammoth fan trend – such as with Twilight or the Hunger Games. Summit knew the audience was already there and already stoked. Easy sell.  Three or four books for the series, movies to match.  Money in the bank.  Madeline Baker has close to one hundred books that could all be made into movies but although her fan base is mammoth itself, it’s not mammoth enough to lure optioning offers from major studios…which is really a shame because Cheyenne Surrender would make an awesome movie. So would Kathleen Eagle’s This Time Forever…or Katherine Woodiwiss’ Ashes In The Wind – see a pattern here? The reality is that almost every writer I know would love for their story to be made into a movie but the statistics are just not in our favor so quit suggesting it, we don’t freaking want to hear it.

“I’ll just download it online”.  I love this one.  Do they not understand that we can check? That we know if a book has been uploaded for Kindle or Nook? Evidently not because it’s one a lot of us hear often.  Newsflash:  If you tell somebody that you’re going to download it? They’re going to check to make sure you did so you probably should go ahead and keep your promise.

“How much did it cost you to get published?” NOTHING.  My first twenty or so books were all mainstream. Now, with the advent of free self-publishing, writers who couldn’t get past the slush pile are actually getting their books out there and some of them are excellent pieces of work. Yes, some are drivel. But, so is some of what mainstream has published.  I have a book, published in 1993, that I use when I speak on writing. It was published by a major house, the editor was well-known, worked there until she passed away a few years ago, she touted this book and the author – who turned out to be a one-hit non-wonder who never wrote another book and I can understand why. IT STUNK.  It, by far, was the worst book I’d ever seen – the plot was boring, the characters one-dimensional and abysmal, set in the Appalachians the spelling to indicate the accent was thisclose to being racist stereotyping.  It’s a wonder it ever sold at all.  Several of us used to joke that the editor had to have been drinking on the job that day.  Once upon a time Vanity Publishing cost good people money to publish their book.  Vanity Presses are quickly going the way of the Dinosaur given SmashWords and CreateSpace an numerous other Self Pub locations that don't charge a dime.  Do not ever ask an author this question. It’s rude, it’s obnoxious and I can guarantee – if they’ve been around a while, they’re freaking tired of hearing it.

“Teenagers need books that are educational.”  They have those. They’re called textbooks. They use them in a place called school?  Fiction is written for entertainment. If we can slip a little educational item in there regarding history or social issues? That's a great thing, but not necessary.  Entertainment does not always have to be educational.

“Is your book like Twilight?”  Twilight, in my opinion, was an okay book. I’ve read worse.  Was it the best book ever written? No. Nor will all books be like Twilight. Books are individual creations by individual writers.  I got to hear a fellow author answer this one recently.  She said:  No.  I can write. Thanks.  Some authors actually find it offensive to have their works compared to another author’s. Just something to chew on.

“Is your book like Harry Potter?” No. Not everybody writes about witches, warlocks and sparkly vegetarian vampires.  Alas, this was one series I never read. I started, could just never get into the books.  They just didn't interest me as they did countless others.  The movies were slightly more interesting...but only because there was Alan Rickman in a black wig, just sayin...

“Is your book like the Bible?” What the hell kind of question is that? The Bible is not a work of fiction, at least not to a majority of the population. I write fiction. Thousands of other people write fiction.  Fiction is pretend.  And if we had to write fiction comparable to the Bible we’d be writing Roman era stuff. No thank you!  The farthest you’ll catch this writer back in history is 1880. 

“I’ve got a really great idea – you and JK Rowling should write a book together.”  Sorry. I don’t write young adult stuff, nor do I write about witches…ghosts, yes, witches, no interest.  Writers, even if they know each other, do not always work well together. Most writers, by nature, are solitary creatures; we like to be alone with our creations as we’re going through the creation process.  It’s true, there are some authors, such as the lovely Connie Brockway and Eloisa James who work well together.  Then there’s the rest of us! Don’t suggest stuff like that, it’s annoying.

“You wrote a book, am I in it?”  This one used to bother me.  Now when somebody I know asks this, I say yes. Buy it, read it and then tell me which one you are.  BUT – it should be noted that just because someone is a writer doesn’t mean they use everybody they know in their books.  It’s true, sometimes we’ll find somebody that strikes our interest that we’ll turn into a character but, for the most part, we don’t, it’s just easier that way. (Btw, I am SO buying one of those totebags!!)

Then there's the "Can I be in your next book?" Some authors find this more annoying than others.  I say yes and then usually do what I want. If I end up using them, I'll tell them, if I don't, I just let them assume I did. It's far easier than having to explain how a character is breathed into life.  Some authors I know will actually get very annoyed and I think that I used to too. I think I just sort of got numb to it. Don't ask an author this question. Let them create and do their thing. If they use you, great. If they don't, it's nothing personal, it's THEIR creation, not YOURS.

“You should really just publish it yourself; my brother did that, yada yada…” Seriously? 300 copies? Let’s be realistic here, shall we?  Do non-writers even understand how many books we have to sell sometimes to get a lousy $20.00 royalty check?  Not to mention, royalties can sometimes take months, years even, to be distributed.  I just got a royalty check this past month for a book that’s been out of print since 1999.  Indie publishing is the way to go for many, many, MANY people these days but do not insult them by insinuating that they won't be able to sell that many copies or that a small amount of copies is a good thing. That's just rude.

“I have a great book idea, I could tell it to you, you could write it, we could split the profits, 70/30?”  I hate it when people do this. It drives me absolutely nuts. I know a lot of authors that are driven nuts by this. And usually it’s family members or close friends that are the worst about it and we have to sit there and not say anything because it’s family.  Seriously? SHUT UP. If we want your ideas, we will ask.

“You should do a book signing in some out of the way hole that nobody has ever heard of because I could get six people to show up.”  Now, yes, this one, especially for newbies who are going the Indie route, sometimes is necessary. Six people who buy six books are better than none at all.  But if you know your writer friend or family member is not doing things Indie style? Stay out of it. They have a marketing plan in place. Unless we ask you for locations to plug our books? Don’t tell us. (The only exception is if you find a really awesome book store has opened up…then I think most of us are willing to take a stab at it…)

“So, do you know Stephanie Meyer?”  Most authors don't know Stephanie Meyer.  Whether an author knows one of the current “greats” on the market is moot anyway.  It’s none of your business. Don’t ask. It’s rude. (And for Stephanie's sake I sure hope she framed that pic of her, KStew and RPatz, it's unlikely she'll ever get them in the same room ever again under friendly circumstances...)

“My cousin is writing a book, it’s totally going to be a best seller.”  That’s nice. Good for him. Good for anybody with the balls to do what we do and still have to put up with the ridiculous behaviors of family and friends because they don’t want to accept the reality that we create for a living.

“Can you bring me a free copy?” No, we do not give free copies to everybody. We only get so many free copies ourselves and those usually go to reviewers and contests. I know an author who gets roughly thirty books free with her release – she then sells those books herself to help pay with PR costs.  One must also keep in mind that authors do not get a ton of free books from their publisher.  After the first 10 to 30 or so, we have to pay for them.  Indie authors usually get one lone hardcopy for free, sometimes a few more, but then they have to pay for their copies for publicity purposes.  It's also important to note that the days of having publicists and agents handling all marketing and publicity are over. I’ve learned that the hard way.  After twenty years of having publishers, my agent and publicist do everything, I find myself dealing with publishers who now refuse to pay for anything, my agent and publicist retired so I’m now doing it all on my own.  It’s a learning experience and a valuable one – one that reinforces never give anything away for free unless it’s a contest. End of story. 

 

“I’m writing a book too, I’ve been working on it for four years, I’ve only got two chapters done but it’s really going places.”  There’s a great little poster floating around Pinterest and Facebook these days: Shut Up and Write.   Those four words speak volumes.  Don’t talk about it. DO IT.   I have a friend that goes on and on about how much they want to write. Yet they spend all their time doing something else. You either want to write or you don't. You either want to make the time or you don't. Yes, some have to deal with day jobs and children and all but I know authors with six kids who are cops or doctors and they still manage to write every day.  There's a saying, if you still have a life, you're not really a writer.  Just something to consider if it's been four years and you're only on chapter two.

"You write romance? Isn't that just soft porn?" No. It's not. I've read literally hundreds of romance novels that had no sex in them whatsoever.  It's about romance. Man finds woman or woman finds man. They meet. They fall in love. Bad or good things happen. Is it that hard to comprehend?  Are there romance novels with sex? Yes. I write some of them thank you very much and that's my choice; but there are authors out there who aren't comfortable with that medium and that's fine too.  If there's a market for it, a writer will cover that market. Not all romance novels involve sex and most of those that do are not "porn".  And NO, Fifty Shades of Grey does NOT count. AND - the pic to the right is the start of my next book's cover! Taken by the lovely Jenn LeBlanc it features the awesome Karl Biermann and the beautiful Jaci Nudell.

Then, last but not least, the one that I find shocking that it didn’t make it into the video is the all time favorite:  When are you going to go get a real job?  Writing IS a real job. Unless you’re a surgeon saving lives no other job is more painful, time consuming or stressful in my opinion.  We write, we create characters, we take the reader away to places they’ve never been and probably never will be able to get to. We write, we hack, we slash, we cry with our characters, we laugh with them, then we edit them into the ground before proofing and editing some more. Then most of us handle booking our reviews and interviews, our public appearances and advertising. We have to block time for writing, scheduling, marketing and squeeze it in around children, home life and spouses/so’s.  Do not tell us that what we do is not a real job.  We will grant that many times things are tough, many times things are tight, many times royalties are slim to none or are held up for whatever reason so we’re eating Ramen noodles but we’re doing what we love and it is our job. It is what we do. How dare anybody assume that this is not a real job??

So, in conclusion, will answering these questions or comments stop non-writers from butting their noses in and being totally rude? Probably not. But, perhaps, if a non-writer stumbles across this blog they  might find it in themselves to go easy on their friend or family member who is a writer. They’ll let them do their job without the harassment and comments.  It would be nice to think they would, but, sadly, I don’t hold out much hope. Non-writers really can’t seem to help themselves sometimes… Do you think non-writers will stop making comments and asking questions???